How to Love Life & Look Good Through the Holidays!

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

I am a holiday person. Always have been. Christmas was a big deal in our family. (And I'm a December baby, thus twice the fun.)

Mother was (and still is) a big Christmas person. She relishes in the ceremony of decorating the house, buying the perfect gifts, planning our Christmas Eve dinner, attending the candlelight service and celebrating with ALL our family...cousins, aunts and uncles.

My sister, Laura, is a "keep it simple" person, but I'm like Mother. I like my home to look festive. I love decorating the tree. I enjoy planning a cocktail party or sit down dinner. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE wrapping gifts. (I do Not love writing Christmas cards, however I do love receiving them!)

I appreciate not everyone relishes in celebrating the holidays. There are years when I've taken "time off" and not had a tree or hosted a party, but I do my best to celebrate the season in some way.

Regardless of where you are or what you're doing in this "time of cheer", here are 5 gift ideas you can give yourself as well as others.

1. Give Presence

How you show up, how you enter a room, whether it's on a date or attending a party, can determine the level of success (or lack of success) for your evening.

Giving presence is doing your best to look good, feel good, taste good, smell good and sound good when you're going out.

Wear something you feel GREAT in! Take an exercise class after work or listen to soothing music while driving. If possible, take a bath or a quick nap before going out. (When I'm short on time, I brush my teeth for instant refreshment.)

When you're out, Speak Respectfully. Even if you don't agree with what someone says, giving him the courtesy of listening is giving presence to the moment.

(BTW...Giving presents are nice too.:))

2. Give Back

This "gift" is especially important for all you "feminine" ladies who LOVE giving to your men! Whether it's a phone call or a card or a gift...I can't stress enough that if you want to keep your man in a position of Respect, DO NOT give as much as he does. I repeat...DO NOT!

If you give equally, you risk neutralizing the relationship. If you give more, he's indebted to you and that's not a price tag he's gonna wanna pay...Nor YOU! You risk becoming "big mama" and he will NEVER live up to your expectations! Ever!

NEWS FLASH: Men typically don't have the "heart warming fuzzies" women feel around the holidays. You may think it's important you get him that nice gift or send him a card, but unless he gives first, I don't advise it.

(ONE Exception: If you want to take a risk on "jump starting" a new relationship with a man you haven't heard from in the past two months, send him a card and see if you hear from him. If you don't, move on. He's gone.)

Giving back a little less may make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Believe me...a masculine man will always feel better about giving more to his feminine woman.*

* Ladies, if you want to be the more generous giver, then by all means, give more. It's your choice. Just be conscious of your "role". Masculine "givers" are usually with feminine "receivers" in EVERY romantic relationship...regardless of gender.

3. Give a Smile

Smiles are easy and cheap. And smiles make you look good. Like the song says, "You're never fully dressed without a smile". So don't leave home without one!

The funny thing about a smile is, even when you don't feel like smiling, when you do it, it makes you feel better. Try it. Push up the corners of your mouth (use your fingers if necessary) and see what happens.

Nothing? Do it again.

And again.

Once more...

Starting to feel it? Good. Keep it on! :)

4. Give a Compliment

My father used to say, "Give three sincere compliments a day and people will like you and remember you."

My husband tells me daily how beautiful I look...even without my make-up. (Gasp!)

Lorenzo also tells the women he works with, "Que bella...how beautiful you are." (Yes, yes, he's a charmer.) More than that, Lorenzo knows that compliments make the women feel better and in return they like and respect him. And that makes him look good and feel good!

Give compliments of appreciation when someone does something nice for you. Appreciate the date that takes you to a concert or a friend who invites you to a party. Thank the busboy that filled your water glass or the security guard who held the door open to the store.

People feel good when they're acknowledged and that's You giving a great gift.

5. Give Thanks

It's a cliche expression because it works. If you're thankful for what you have...you'll feel much more comfortable than focusing on what you don't have.

(I'd love to have a second home in Aspen and a private jet to fly us there. Focusing on it makes me depressed.)

Instead, I'm thankful to have my survival needs met. I'm thankful for my husband (that I worked looooonnnnngggg and hard to have). I'm thankful for my family (they're not perfect people, but there's a lot of love). I have my health. I have my faith. I have creative outlets, my friends, etc... I'm thankful every day.

I appreciate your frustration if you're single and want a relationship...especially during the holidays. It's the time of year when it seems like every ad or TV show promotes lovers and families warmly celebrating together and everybody has somebody but you! It's not true...but that's what sells.

Everybody has his or her stuff. EVERYBODY. By focusing on what you don't have, you're more likely to attract more of that...what you don't have. Focus instead on what you do have and be grateful for the relationship (or money or whatever) that's coming into your life.

A great story about "giving thanks" involves my friend, Lisa.

Six months ago, Lisa had an accident leaving her paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors said it was uncertain she would ever walk again. Lisa has not given up. Since May, her road to recovery has been slow and painful. Now she's walking (with help) and she's driving (with hand gears) and more importantly, she's grateful.

For what? You may ask.

Many of us would cry and complain in this situation.

Not Lisa. Lisa feels blessed. Lisa feels grateful for her Mother (who moved in to help for four months) and for her friends (who've cleaned her house). She appreciates having to "slow down" after working 30 years in the TV industry. Now Lisa has time to enjoy her home, her animals and nap when she's tired. She's just starting back to work in her new home office. And she continues to give thanks.

Lisa is an inspiration.

So this Holiday Season, may you Love Life and Look Good with the many gifts you give and receive.