by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"
Does this sound familiar?
You go on a date with someone. And it's Great.
You look good. You feel good. You connect with this person. You laugh. It feels like you could talk for days. And when you say "good-bye" you can't wait for the next time...
Because you're Absolutely, Positively Sure there WILL be a NEXT time.
And then...Nothing.
Poof. He's gone.
No call. No e-mail. No text.
And it feels horrible.
So you speculate...Maybe he's sick or lost my number???
And you re-enact...What could have possibly gone wrong???
And you poll your friends...What do YOU think???
And you wait...
And wait...
For the bloody phone to ring.
And it doesn't.
And it's driving you friggin' insane because...
You don't know what the "#$@*!" happened!
So what do you do???
1. Don't Take it Personally
Because it's not.
Men are logical. They know in advance if they're interested in dating or courting a woman. And there are significant differences in the two.
Dating is having fun for the moment.
Courting is planning for the long term.
If he's interested in dating, he's not going to court you. Period.
He may have sensed on the date that you were more interested in courtship rather than having fun and casual sex.
If a man doesn't call back, chances are he's not ready for a committed relationship.
2. Mark Your Calendar
It's common for a man to take 10 to 14 days to call back a woman.
Now before you start gettin' all wiggy...if he's Really Into You, he's gonna call sooner. I'm talkin' about the ones who don't!
Men operate on VERY different time lines than women. Men's brains are designed VERY differently from a woman's. (It doesn't take a scientist to figure that out! :))
It could take a man up to 8 WEEKS to call you back. (Yes. Seriously.) It could take him that long to process a decision to call.
So mark your calendar and be receptive if/when you hear from him.
3. Don't CALL HIM
Or e-mail. Or text. Or whatever! Wait it out!
His NOT calling is giving you lots of information on where he's at.
You don't wanna be chasing him if he's not into you!
If you haven't heard from him...AFTER eight weeks...you can send him a non-verbal salutation. Perhaps a short e-mail or greeting card could "jump start" him back into action.
If he doesn't respond, move on. He's simply not available.
4. Keep Yourself Out There
Stay open to dating others.
Best word in the English dictionary is "Next." If he's not interested, someone else will be.
So dress up, go out and attract someone new.
Many times we send out signals that are misperceived because we're unaware of our own behavior and how we're being interpreted.
If you want to better understand what you're doing and how to shift to get better results...Order The Role of a Lifetime: How To Star in Your Own Love Story Home Study Course today!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
8 "Don'ts" of Dating
by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"
So many questions. So many rules.
When is it appropriate to have sex? When do you call? What do you do when he doesn't do what he says he's gonna to do?
So many "do's and don'ts" of dating. It ain't easy. But to help you ease through the pain...here are 8 "Don'ts" to never "Do" in any relationship!
1. Don't EXPECT Anything
Period. As soon as you have an expectation for your date to do anything, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Watch what he does. See what he presents. Decide if you want it or if you don't. But don't expect it. Because I promise...he will never, ever, ever do it your way. Ever.
(If you insist on expecting something...then expect the WORST. That way you at least have a chance of being delighted and surprised.)
2. Don't COMPLAIN
You have every right to complain, but it doesn't help you. Nor does it change the situation. So stop the habit of complaining. No one wants to hear it anyway. It's not pretty and it doesn't look good...especially if you're trying to make a decent first impression.
3. Don't CALL HIM
Or e-mail. Or text. Or whatever! This is so elementary I'm embarrassed to repeat it. But there are those who still don't get it. (I know. Hard to believe.) If you call him, you're the driver. You're running the show. He'll expect you to pursue him.
So if you don't want to lead, don't call. Let him call you and you call him back. Forever. Got it?
4. Don't ARGUE With Anyone You Don't Want to Build With
If your date says something you don't agree with and you're not sure you like him...keep your mouth shut. Don't argue. Just listen. Sit back and watch the show. Don't engage.
Otherwise you risk getting to know him better and gaining a deeper understanding of where he's coming from. And that's building a relationship.
5. Don't TRUST Anyone
Ever. You will only be disappointed. People are human. So it's best to not trust him.
Now before you get all "wiggy" and self righteous, think of how you can't even trust yourself. How many times have you told yourself you're going to loose that extra weight? And how many times have you done it?
Trust a scorpion (you know what they're capable of) before you trust your date (or mate). Instead, take a risk on the person and build a trustworthy relationship.
6. Don't HAVE SEX Without an Agreement
Know what the deal is before having sex. If you both want a one-night stand or a brief affair...fine. Just communicate it in advance so feelings aren't hurt and agendas aren't mixed. If one of you wants a long-term romance and the other is in it for tonight, someone's gonna get hurt. So know what you're getting into.
7. Don't COMMIT to Anyone
Commit to the relationship...not the person. Do your part and hope (to God) he does his. If you commit to the person, you're setting yourself up for disappointment because you'll start expecting. (Refer to Tip #1.)
8. Don't LEAVE Too Soon
Stay as long as you can. Even if this man is not YOUR man, there's something to be gained. He can teach you much about what you like and what you don't. Think of it as a "dress rehearsal" for the real deal.
If you leave too soon, you risk repeating the same lesson over again with the next man. So stay until you're done and you get it with this one.
For more dating techniques and to learn what to do and say in your relationship (so you don't blow it)...Order The Role of a Lifetime: How To Star in Your Own Love Story Home Study Course today!
So many questions. So many rules.
When is it appropriate to have sex? When do you call? What do you do when he doesn't do what he says he's gonna to do?
So many "do's and don'ts" of dating. It ain't easy. But to help you ease through the pain...here are 8 "Don'ts" to never "Do" in any relationship!
1. Don't EXPECT Anything
Period. As soon as you have an expectation for your date to do anything, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Watch what he does. See what he presents. Decide if you want it or if you don't. But don't expect it. Because I promise...he will never, ever, ever do it your way. Ever.
(If you insist on expecting something...then expect the WORST. That way you at least have a chance of being delighted and surprised.)
2. Don't COMPLAIN
You have every right to complain, but it doesn't help you. Nor does it change the situation. So stop the habit of complaining. No one wants to hear it anyway. It's not pretty and it doesn't look good...especially if you're trying to make a decent first impression.
3. Don't CALL HIM
Or e-mail. Or text. Or whatever! This is so elementary I'm embarrassed to repeat it. But there are those who still don't get it. (I know. Hard to believe.) If you call him, you're the driver. You're running the show. He'll expect you to pursue him.
So if you don't want to lead, don't call. Let him call you and you call him back. Forever. Got it?
4. Don't ARGUE With Anyone You Don't Want to Build With
If your date says something you don't agree with and you're not sure you like him...keep your mouth shut. Don't argue. Just listen. Sit back and watch the show. Don't engage.
Otherwise you risk getting to know him better and gaining a deeper understanding of where he's coming from. And that's building a relationship.
5. Don't TRUST Anyone
Ever. You will only be disappointed. People are human. So it's best to not trust him.
Now before you get all "wiggy" and self righteous, think of how you can't even trust yourself. How many times have you told yourself you're going to loose that extra weight? And how many times have you done it?
Trust a scorpion (you know what they're capable of) before you trust your date (or mate). Instead, take a risk on the person and build a trustworthy relationship.
6. Don't HAVE SEX Without an Agreement
Know what the deal is before having sex. If you both want a one-night stand or a brief affair...fine. Just communicate it in advance so feelings aren't hurt and agendas aren't mixed. If one of you wants a long-term romance and the other is in it for tonight, someone's gonna get hurt. So know what you're getting into.
7. Don't COMMIT to Anyone
Commit to the relationship...not the person. Do your part and hope (to God) he does his. If you commit to the person, you're setting yourself up for disappointment because you'll start expecting. (Refer to Tip #1.)
8. Don't LEAVE Too Soon
Stay as long as you can. Even if this man is not YOUR man, there's something to be gained. He can teach you much about what you like and what you don't. Think of it as a "dress rehearsal" for the real deal.
If you leave too soon, you risk repeating the same lesson over again with the next man. So stay until you're done and you get it with this one.
For more dating techniques and to learn what to do and say in your relationship (so you don't blow it)...Order The Role of a Lifetime: How To Star in Your Own Love Story Home Study Course today!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Are You Neutering Your Man?
Trauma was the big ordeal of last week. Our puppy, Biscuit was neutered.
My husband, Lorenzo was a wreck. I had to reassure him (more than once) it wasn't HIS balls we were removing.
Neutering Biscuit got me thinking about the trauma men must feel when women inadvertently Neuter them by refusing their gifts and invitations.
Do You "Neuter Your Man"...Without Knowing You're Doing It?
Understanding in relationships can be quite challenging.
There are times when a woman...wanting to get her point across to a man...will come off as nagging, complaining and Hard to Please.
A man likes to win. He likes to make his woman happy. He usually won't stay with a woman who tells him what to do.
Consider for a moment, this seemingly innocent scenario:
Last week, Rose met a man who said he was very attracted and interested in her.
Instead of asking her out on a date or for a cup of coffee, he told her about a business gathering and invited her to come network.
Rose turned him down and told him she didn't like the fact that he invited her to a business matter rather than just asking her out based on the fact that he clearly showed he was interested in her. (Ouch!)
She's sad because she was really interested in him. She turned him down because she's tired of men hiding behind business in order to get close to her.
This is sad.
Sad because the man invited Rose out to get to know her in a safe, non-threatening way. It's very possible for romance to occur under the guise of a business deal.
Sad because Rose didn't know how to guide the man into romancing her. In her mind, she gave him advice to help him please her.
Instead, she Neutered him. She didn't mean to. She just didn't know.
It's frustrating for a man...when he's doing his best to give to a woman and make her comfortable...to be told something else would please her more.
Often a woman will read into a man's behavior and think he's doing his best to annoy her. She'll complain, "You should have done that" or "invited me there" or "given me this instead". What she's saying is, "I want more/better/different than what you're giving me."
And she's inadvertently castrating him.
If the man does what a woman requests, he's her "wittle boy." "Wittle boys" aren't generally respected by women.
If he chooses to go against her and do it his way, he's her arch enemy. It's hard to love an enemy.
Neither one is content or satisfied.
So what to do?
Ladies, simply say, "Yes. Thank you. Please."
Stop naggin' over nothin'!
Keep your mouth closed and do it his way unless what he proposes is unethical, illegal or immoral.
When a woman constantly tells a man what to do, he avoids her. And eventually he'll leave saying, "I'm sorry I can't please you. Go find someone who can."
The woman doesn't understand why he's gone. "I was only trying to help him," she laments.
Ladies, stop Neutering him by helping him. Let him do it HIS way and appreciate what he has to offer.
My husband, Lorenzo was a wreck. I had to reassure him (more than once) it wasn't HIS balls we were removing.
Neutering Biscuit got me thinking about the trauma men must feel when women inadvertently Neuter them by refusing their gifts and invitations.
Do You "Neuter Your Man"...Without Knowing You're Doing It?
Understanding in relationships can be quite challenging.
There are times when a woman...wanting to get her point across to a man...will come off as nagging, complaining and Hard to Please.
A man likes to win. He likes to make his woman happy. He usually won't stay with a woman who tells him what to do.
Consider for a moment, this seemingly innocent scenario:
Last week, Rose met a man who said he was very attracted and interested in her.
Instead of asking her out on a date or for a cup of coffee, he told her about a business gathering and invited her to come network.
Rose turned him down and told him she didn't like the fact that he invited her to a business matter rather than just asking her out based on the fact that he clearly showed he was interested in her. (Ouch!)
She's sad because she was really interested in him. She turned him down because she's tired of men hiding behind business in order to get close to her.
This is sad.
Sad because the man invited Rose out to get to know her in a safe, non-threatening way. It's very possible for romance to occur under the guise of a business deal.
Sad because Rose didn't know how to guide the man into romancing her. In her mind, she gave him advice to help him please her.
Instead, she Neutered him. She didn't mean to. She just didn't know.
It's frustrating for a man...when he's doing his best to give to a woman and make her comfortable...to be told something else would please her more.
Often a woman will read into a man's behavior and think he's doing his best to annoy her. She'll complain, "You should have done that" or "invited me there" or "given me this instead". What she's saying is, "I want more/better/different than what you're giving me."
And she's inadvertently castrating him.
If the man does what a woman requests, he's her "wittle boy." "Wittle boys" aren't generally respected by women.
If he chooses to go against her and do it his way, he's her arch enemy. It's hard to love an enemy.
Neither one is content or satisfied.
So what to do?
Ladies, simply say, "Yes. Thank you. Please."
Stop naggin' over nothin'!
Keep your mouth closed and do it his way unless what he proposes is unethical, illegal or immoral.
When a woman constantly tells a man what to do, he avoids her. And eventually he'll leave saying, "I'm sorry I can't please you. Go find someone who can."
The woman doesn't understand why he's gone. "I was only trying to help him," she laments.
Ladies, stop Neutering him by helping him. Let him do it HIS way and appreciate what he has to offer.
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