by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"
I love it when people tell me, "You're so lucky. You've never had a weight problem."
Ha! Little do they know!
I struggled with diets and weight gain for YEARS! I've been on Weight Watchers, Nutri-system, Jenny Craig, the Hotdog diet, the Grapefruit diet, the Cabbage diet...to name a FEW! Some of them worked...for a while. Most of them made me crazy!
Although I'll never be a "skinny minny", I have grown to respect my body (most of the time). And even though I am not a "diet and nutrition expert", I've discovered 6 non-obsessive ways to feel great and maintain a comfortable body weight.
I call it the "Love Life" Diet.
1. Throw Away Your Scale
Your weight is a useless piece of data. Muscle weighs more than fat anyway. And just because you're "skinnier" doesn't mean you're "healthier".
Now...the thought of tossing your scale may freak you out! (It did me at first.)
I'd been slave to that flat piece of metal since my adolescence. (One Christmas I came home from college after gaining 30 pounds my first semester freshman year. My father threw me on the bathroom scale so I could "put my weight before me". Talk about horrifying!) (And embarrassing!)
But still...throwing away my scale was one of the scariest things I've ever done. How would I hold myself accountable? I didn't trust my body. I worried that I'd blow up to be the size of the Goodyear Blimp.
But I did it. I took the risk. I tossed that bloody scale. And I've never looked back. (In fact, when I go to the doctor's office, I turn my back when getting on the scale and WARN the assistant not to utter my tonnage, lest risk my wrath!)
I don't know my weight and I don't care. My clothes tell me when I'm puffy or thin. And I've stopped the insanity of "weighing in" on the almighty scale.
2. Express Your Feelings, Don't Stuff Them Down
Learning how to communicate your feelings in a logical rational way may be the best "Love Life" diet tip. When you're able to express your feelings, you're less likely to stuff down your emotions with food (or other substances).
It's soooooo important to be able to say what you want or what you think. Or express what you don't want or feel uncomfortable with. Even at the risk of making someone upset with you.
If you can't risk hurting someone else's feelings, you risk hurting yourself.
What your mind can't assimilate (understand) and your mouth can't articulate (say), your body will demonstrate (gaining weight).
And weight gain isn't the only price tag. Your physical, mental and emotional health will pay dearly too.
3. Listen to Your Body
Eat when you're hungry. Stop when you're full. Your body will let you know what it wants and how much.
Your body will tell you when it needs to relax or needs to move. It will tell you when it feels well and when it doesn't.
Your body knows what it craves, but often your head argues. Your "old habits" get in the way by telling you what you "should" do.
Does this sound familiar?
Body: "Ice cream."
Head: "You can't have ice cream."
Body: "Chocolate."
Head: "You're too fat."
And on and on and on...
If your body craves ice cream, eat it. Enjoy it. Stop the madness and deprivation in your head. It's just ice cream! One scoop isn't going to make you fat. (The whole carton might.)
I appreciate it takes a huge leap of faith to listen to your body over what your head thinks. (Or what someone else thinks.) But once you REALLY start paying attention to Your Body and eating what It wants, you'll never go back to "dieting" again.
4. Eat "WOW" Foods
I have two categories for food: "WOW" Food and "Filler" Food.
"WOW" food is great food! (1) Your body craves it and is so satisfied when it eats it or (2) the food is SOOOOO good that it doesn't matter if you eat more. It's worth paying the price!
"Filler" food is just that. It's food that fills you up when you're hungry. "Filler" food is fuel. It gives you energy. "Filler" food is easier to say "no" to when you're full.
I do my best to eat "WOW" food...because I hate wasting stomach space with "filler" food. When I satisfy my cravings, I feel better. I don't obsess and I'm not deprived.
It cracks me up when a friend comments on the dessert tray..."Oh, that looks so good, but I can't eat it. It's too fattening."
Well...yes. And no. Who says you have to eat the whole thing? Personally, I'd rather have a few bites of a fabulous "WOW" than a whole lot of "low fat filler" that tastes like crap.
I don't know how it works, but eating real "WOW" food...no matter how "fattening" it is...fills me up quicker and satisfies me more without the weight gain.
5. Don't Panic If You Gain a Few Pounds
Like tides of the sea, weight comes and goes. DON'T PANIC if you start to feel yourself getting a little heavier!
Years ago, I beat myself up if I gained weight. I punished my body by starving or eating yucky "health" food that I hated. I gave myself mental bashings about how unworthy I was or undisciplined or fat.
The result: I gained more weight.
Not any more!
Now, when I notice myself eating more...and my clothes are getting tighter...and I feel that extra "pudge" around my waist...
I say to myself, "Cherry, you're eating too much. What's going on? Is there something stressing you out? Something you need to say? Or do you just need to control your portion size (or stop drinking wine for a while)? Do you really WANT that second piece of pie? How's it going to feel after you eat it?"
If I reeeaaaalllly want it, I eat it. But I'm used to my body telling me when it's full and I can always have it LATER if I don't eat it now.
That's a big key...knowing you aren't depriving yourself. That you can have ANYTHING you want...as long as your body tells you it's hungry.
6. Move Your Butt!
If you think "exercise is boring" or "don't have time", you haven't found the "WOW" of exercise.
Getting in the habit of moving your body is one of the best things you'll ever do for yourself.
Good Morning America recently said, "If you walk 30 minutes, five days a week, you will extend your life. (I forget for how many years.) (Sorry.) Walking is easy and cheap and the payoffs are enormous!
I combine walking with The Bar Method because I like the toning, strengthening and flexibility the class offers. (Plus the music is great and the teachers are cute!)
Like any habit, starting to exercise can take a couple months to integrate into your routine. I don't need to preach to you about the benefits of exercise. You already know it helps your heart, gives you a glowing complexion and decreases your appetite.
For me, exercise feels great. I'm not one of those "gotta get results" people (although I do look better by doing it). If I don't feel high energy during my class or walk, I don't push it. Just showing up and doing it is good enough for me. I listen to my body and it tells me how hard it wants to work.
So get up and move! Believe me, your butt will thank you!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
How to Love Life & Look Good Through the Holidays!
by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"
I am a holiday person. Always have been. Christmas was a big deal in our family. (And I'm a December baby, thus twice the fun.)
Mother was (and still is) a big Christmas person. She relishes in the ceremony of decorating the house, buying the perfect gifts, planning our Christmas Eve dinner, attending the candlelight service and celebrating with ALL our family...cousins, aunts and uncles.
My sister, Laura, is a "keep it simple" person, but I'm like Mother. I like my home to look festive. I love decorating the tree. I enjoy planning a cocktail party or sit down dinner. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE wrapping gifts. (I do Not love writing Christmas cards, however I do love receiving them!)
I appreciate not everyone relishes in celebrating the holidays. There are years when I've taken "time off" and not had a tree or hosted a party, but I do my best to celebrate the season in some way.
Regardless of where you are or what you're doing in this "time of cheer", here are 5 gift ideas you can give yourself as well as others.
1. Give Presence
How you show up, how you enter a room, whether it's on a date or attending a party, can determine the level of success (or lack of success) for your evening.
Giving presence is doing your best to look good, feel good, taste good, smell good and sound good when you're going out.
Wear something you feel GREAT in! Take an exercise class after work or listen to soothing music while driving. If possible, take a bath or a quick nap before going out. (When I'm short on time, I brush my teeth for instant refreshment.)
When you're out, Speak Respectfully. Even if you don't agree with what someone says, giving him the courtesy of listening is giving presence to the moment.
(BTW...Giving presents are nice too.:))
2. Give Back
This "gift" is especially important for all you "feminine" ladies who LOVE giving to your men! Whether it's a phone call or a card or a gift...I can't stress enough that if you want to keep your man in a position of Respect, DO NOT give as much as he does. I repeat...DO NOT!
If you give equally, you risk neutralizing the relationship. If you give more, he's indebted to you and that's not a price tag he's gonna wanna pay...Nor YOU! You risk becoming "big mama" and he will NEVER live up to your expectations! Ever!
NEWS FLASH: Men typically don't have the "heart warming fuzzies" women feel around the holidays. You may think it's important you get him that nice gift or send him a card, but unless he gives first, I don't advise it.
(ONE Exception: If you want to take a risk on "jump starting" a new relationship with a man you haven't heard from in the past two months, send him a card and see if you hear from him. If you don't, move on. He's gone.)
Giving back a little less may make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Believe me...a masculine man will always feel better about giving more to his feminine woman.*
* Ladies, if you want to be the more generous giver, then by all means, give more. It's your choice. Just be conscious of your "role". Masculine "givers" are usually with feminine "receivers" in EVERY romantic relationship...regardless of gender.
3. Give a Smile
Smiles are easy and cheap. And smiles make you look good. Like the song says, "You're never fully dressed without a smile". So don't leave home without one!
The funny thing about a smile is, even when you don't feel like smiling, when you do it, it makes you feel better. Try it. Push up the corners of your mouth (use your fingers if necessary) and see what happens.
Nothing? Do it again.
And again.
Once more...
Starting to feel it? Good. Keep it on! :)
4. Give a Compliment
My father used to say, "Give three sincere compliments a day and people will like you and remember you."
My husband tells me daily how beautiful I look...even without my make-up. (Gasp!)
Lorenzo also tells the women he works with, "Que bella...how beautiful you are." (Yes, yes, he's a charmer.) More than that, Lorenzo knows that compliments make the women feel better and in return they like and respect him. And that makes him look good and feel good!
Give compliments of appreciation when someone does something nice for you. Appreciate the date that takes you to a concert or a friend who invites you to a party. Thank the busboy that filled your water glass or the security guard who held the door open to the store.
People feel good when they're acknowledged and that's You giving a great gift.
5. Give Thanks
It's a cliche expression because it works. If you're thankful for what you have...you'll feel much more comfortable than focusing on what you don't have.
(I'd love to have a second home in Aspen and a private jet to fly us there. Focusing on it makes me depressed.)
Instead, I'm thankful to have my survival needs met. I'm thankful for my husband (that I worked looooonnnnngggg and hard to have). I'm thankful for my family (they're not perfect people, but there's a lot of love). I have my health. I have my faith. I have creative outlets, my friends, etc... I'm thankful every day.
I appreciate your frustration if you're single and want a relationship...especially during the holidays. It's the time of year when it seems like every ad or TV show promotes lovers and families warmly celebrating together and everybody has somebody but you! It's not true...but that's what sells.
Everybody has his or her stuff. EVERYBODY. By focusing on what you don't have, you're more likely to attract more of that...what you don't have. Focus instead on what you do have and be grateful for the relationship (or money or whatever) that's coming into your life.
A great story about "giving thanks" involves my friend, Lisa.
Six months ago, Lisa had an accident leaving her paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors said it was uncertain she would ever walk again. Lisa has not given up. Since May, her road to recovery has been slow and painful. Now she's walking (with help) and she's driving (with hand gears) and more importantly, she's grateful.
For what? You may ask.
Many of us would cry and complain in this situation.
Not Lisa. Lisa feels blessed. Lisa feels grateful for her Mother (who moved in to help for four months) and for her friends (who've cleaned her house). She appreciates having to "slow down" after working 30 years in the TV industry. Now Lisa has time to enjoy her home, her animals and nap when she's tired. She's just starting back to work in her new home office. And she continues to give thanks.
Lisa is an inspiration.
So this Holiday Season, may you Love Life and Look Good with the many gifts you give and receive.
I am a holiday person. Always have been. Christmas was a big deal in our family. (And I'm a December baby, thus twice the fun.)
Mother was (and still is) a big Christmas person. She relishes in the ceremony of decorating the house, buying the perfect gifts, planning our Christmas Eve dinner, attending the candlelight service and celebrating with ALL our family...cousins, aunts and uncles.
My sister, Laura, is a "keep it simple" person, but I'm like Mother. I like my home to look festive. I love decorating the tree. I enjoy planning a cocktail party or sit down dinner. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE wrapping gifts. (I do Not love writing Christmas cards, however I do love receiving them!)
I appreciate not everyone relishes in celebrating the holidays. There are years when I've taken "time off" and not had a tree or hosted a party, but I do my best to celebrate the season in some way.
Regardless of where you are or what you're doing in this "time of cheer", here are 5 gift ideas you can give yourself as well as others.
1. Give Presence
How you show up, how you enter a room, whether it's on a date or attending a party, can determine the level of success (or lack of success) for your evening.
Giving presence is doing your best to look good, feel good, taste good, smell good and sound good when you're going out.
Wear something you feel GREAT in! Take an exercise class after work or listen to soothing music while driving. If possible, take a bath or a quick nap before going out. (When I'm short on time, I brush my teeth for instant refreshment.)
When you're out, Speak Respectfully. Even if you don't agree with what someone says, giving him the courtesy of listening is giving presence to the moment.
(BTW...Giving presents are nice too.:))
2. Give Back
This "gift" is especially important for all you "feminine" ladies who LOVE giving to your men! Whether it's a phone call or a card or a gift...I can't stress enough that if you want to keep your man in a position of Respect, DO NOT give as much as he does. I repeat...DO NOT!
If you give equally, you risk neutralizing the relationship. If you give more, he's indebted to you and that's not a price tag he's gonna wanna pay...Nor YOU! You risk becoming "big mama" and he will NEVER live up to your expectations! Ever!
NEWS FLASH: Men typically don't have the "heart warming fuzzies" women feel around the holidays. You may think it's important you get him that nice gift or send him a card, but unless he gives first, I don't advise it.
(ONE Exception: If you want to take a risk on "jump starting" a new relationship with a man you haven't heard from in the past two months, send him a card and see if you hear from him. If you don't, move on. He's gone.)
Giving back a little less may make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Believe me...a masculine man will always feel better about giving more to his feminine woman.*
* Ladies, if you want to be the more generous giver, then by all means, give more. It's your choice. Just be conscious of your "role". Masculine "givers" are usually with feminine "receivers" in EVERY romantic relationship...regardless of gender.
3. Give a Smile
Smiles are easy and cheap. And smiles make you look good. Like the song says, "You're never fully dressed without a smile". So don't leave home without one!
The funny thing about a smile is, even when you don't feel like smiling, when you do it, it makes you feel better. Try it. Push up the corners of your mouth (use your fingers if necessary) and see what happens.
Nothing? Do it again.
And again.
Once more...
Starting to feel it? Good. Keep it on! :)
4. Give a Compliment
My father used to say, "Give three sincere compliments a day and people will like you and remember you."
My husband tells me daily how beautiful I look...even without my make-up. (Gasp!)
Lorenzo also tells the women he works with, "Que bella...how beautiful you are." (Yes, yes, he's a charmer.) More than that, Lorenzo knows that compliments make the women feel better and in return they like and respect him. And that makes him look good and feel good!
Give compliments of appreciation when someone does something nice for you. Appreciate the date that takes you to a concert or a friend who invites you to a party. Thank the busboy that filled your water glass or the security guard who held the door open to the store.
People feel good when they're acknowledged and that's You giving a great gift.
5. Give Thanks
It's a cliche expression because it works. If you're thankful for what you have...you'll feel much more comfortable than focusing on what you don't have.
(I'd love to have a second home in Aspen and a private jet to fly us there. Focusing on it makes me depressed.)
Instead, I'm thankful to have my survival needs met. I'm thankful for my husband (that I worked looooonnnnngggg and hard to have). I'm thankful for my family (they're not perfect people, but there's a lot of love). I have my health. I have my faith. I have creative outlets, my friends, etc... I'm thankful every day.
I appreciate your frustration if you're single and want a relationship...especially during the holidays. It's the time of year when it seems like every ad or TV show promotes lovers and families warmly celebrating together and everybody has somebody but you! It's not true...but that's what sells.
Everybody has his or her stuff. EVERYBODY. By focusing on what you don't have, you're more likely to attract more of that...what you don't have. Focus instead on what you do have and be grateful for the relationship (or money or whatever) that's coming into your life.
A great story about "giving thanks" involves my friend, Lisa.
Six months ago, Lisa had an accident leaving her paralyzed from the waist down. The doctors said it was uncertain she would ever walk again. Lisa has not given up. Since May, her road to recovery has been slow and painful. Now she's walking (with help) and she's driving (with hand gears) and more importantly, she's grateful.
For what? You may ask.
Many of us would cry and complain in this situation.
Not Lisa. Lisa feels blessed. Lisa feels grateful for her Mother (who moved in to help for four months) and for her friends (who've cleaned her house). She appreciates having to "slow down" after working 30 years in the TV industry. Now Lisa has time to enjoy her home, her animals and nap when she's tired. She's just starting back to work in her new home office. And she continues to give thanks.
Lisa is an inspiration.
So this Holiday Season, may you Love Life and Look Good with the many gifts you give and receive.
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