How to "Date" Your Business Associates

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

As a Dating and Relationship Coach, I always advise my single clients to date more than one person at the same time until they're in a committed relationship.

This is a "no-brainer" for my male clients! Men, by nature are built to be polygamous...meaning it's natural for them to have more than one woman.

Not so for women.

By nature, women tend to go "prematurely monogamous". We get "glued" to a guy (especially if we have sex) before a commitment.

So as yucky as it is, it's important for a woman to have the skill set to go against her natural biological tendencies and date more than one man simultaneously in order to find a mate.

But "dating" isn't just for romance...

Recently I hired a new VA (virtual assistant). A virtual assistant is someone who has their own office space and works for clients "virtually" on-line and on the phone.

During the interview process I realized I was "Dating" my candidates.

And I realized this skill set comes in VERY handy for business.

1. Always Interview at Least THREE Candidates Before You Hire Someone (or Take a Job)

In my romantic comedy, DUTY DATING, the heroine dates three men at the same time in order to find a mate. With one, she's over-focused; two is an either/or; only with three can she keep prospective and build her relationship skills.

The same is true in business.

It's best to have at least three candidates to choose from before hiring someone. Or three companies to interview. Gives you more options. And better prospective.

2. Have at Least THREE Interviews Before Making a Decision

Nobody's normal in their first meeting...whether it's a date or a business deal. Everybody's nervous. Everybody's weird. Everybody's trying to impress.

And even though you may feel initial chemistry with someone, it could take at least three meetings for the "real person" to show up.

First impressions (although significant) aren't as important as the second and third ones.

One of my VA candidates made a GREAT first impression. Our first conversation was fantastic! I got off the phone ready to hire her. And if I had, it would have been a tremendous mistake. As great as our first meeting was, she didn't have the qualifications I needed. I didn't discover this until our third conversation.

On the other hand, my first meeting with my new VA, Geri, was frustrating. Her phone was on the blink and kept cutting in and out as we were speaking. I missed much of what she said! But by conversation two and three, she proved to be exactly what I was looking for.

3. Let 'Em Present What They Can Bring to the Table Before You Make a Commitment

A woman needs to see what a man can offer her before making a commitment.

A man needs to see how receptive a woman is to what he has to offer before making a commitment.

And in business, a person needs to see what the candidate can offer to the company (or what the company can offer) in order to make a good decision.

It's important to ask questions, but it's REALLY important to LISTEN!

What is the person or situation really offering? How does that work for you? What kind of relationship do you want? And does that person satisfy your needs or compliment your situation?

4. Prioritize Your List and Shift Status As You Go

Rank your dates and top business candidates as One, Two and Three. Then give it time to see how they shift.

If a guy doesn't call a girl, she'll forget about him and he'll drop down the list.
If a woman isn't available for a man, he'll move on to numbers two and three.

If a business associate doesn't have the chops or isn't punctual, he'll eliminate himself and the qualified candidates will emerge.

This can take time.

In my first interviews with my five VA candidates, they ranked similar. All of them had nice personalities and excellent administrative skills.

So I upped my ante.

I decided to hire a VA who had marketing experience as well. And that's where they started to differentiate. I was fortunate to hire a VA that was best suited to my needs.

So whether you're meeting someone for romance or for a business deal...always "Date" more than one! :)

To Risk or Not To Risk?

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

This is a BIG question.

Should I enter this relationship? Should I marry this man? Should I take a new job? Should I move to a different city?

What if I fail? What if I look stupid? What if I loose money? What if I can't survive? (If you're asking this question, it's probably best NOT to take the risk!)

One of the biggest risks I ever took was marrying Lorenzo. I'd already had ONE failed marriage. What if I had another one? What if he were using me as an entrance fee into the US of A?

All these doubts. All these questions.

So was getting married worth the risk?

Yes.

So far.

Being in a romantic relationship with Lorenzo has taken me to much deeper levels of myself. To my greatest joys and my deepest fears.

And it's definitely been worth it.

So how do you determine whether to risk or not to risk?

1. To "Ben Franklin"? Or "Dip-Stick"?

My father always said, "If you have a decision to make, do like Ben Franklin...draw a line down the center of the page. On one side list all the advantages. On the other side list the disadvantages. Then see what you've got.

"Ben Franklin" is a Masculine approach to decision making. The Masculine thinks about the risk and the consequences of the choice then makes a logical, intelligent decision.

The Feminine approach is to "Dip-Stick".

When I was deciding whether or not to marry Lorenzo, Dr. Pat Allen suggested I "dip-stick" my feelings.

If I felt like being married to Lorenzo, I'd put a mark under "Yes". If I didn't, I'd mark "No".

After a week (or two) the "Yes" side won. So we got married. (I bet you thought there was more to it. Non?)

So ladies, draw a line down the page and instead of "advantages" and "disadvantages", write YES or NO. Then check in with your feelings several times a day for a week or so.

Even if both sides start out equally, one side will eventually win over the other.
And the "crazy making" rumination between your head and heart (think, feel, think, feel, think, feel...) will stop.

2. Can You Afford the Price Tag?

If taking the risk didn't work out, would you survive it?

If you lost your investment, your partner or the job, would the experience be worth it? (I'm not talking about just dollars and cents.)

Would the actual experience be worth it? Would you become a "better" person? Could you learn something valuable? Can you afford the loss of NOT doing it?

When you look back on your life, is this a worthy investment of your money, time, energy or life experience?

If the answer is "Yes", do it.

I thought DUTY DATING would lead me to my next film project. It didn't.
But DUTY DATING did lead me to my husband.

And being the "Dating Director". And meeting many of you. And the opportunity of creating another career outside the (brutal) film industry.

I learned A LOT writing, directing and producing a feature film. The experience was invaluable. I would never trade it.

And DUTY DATING was completed and distributed internationally. (Even my in-laws saw it on Italian TV:))

3. What's Your Plan B?

I understand many "risk takers" have no Plan B. They say it's because there is simply NO alternative. Fine. If you gotta have it, you gotta have it, so by all means, go for it. Godspeed.

But for some of us, when unexpectedly Life Happens, it's nice to have Plan B. If something doesn't work out the way you want, there's something to fall back on. Even if the "fall back" isn't exactly your dream.

When I made the decision to move to LA, I wasn't sure if I could handle it. After all, I was raised in a small Tennessee town. (A BIG city for me was Knoxville.)

But I knew if I fell flat on my butt...if I lost everything I had...and ended up broke on the street, I could ALWAYS go home. Back to Kingsport, Tennessee. My parents would take me in. It wasn't my ideal choice (not theirs either). But at least I had a safety net.

And that's a big comfort. It gives me freedom to take risks.

So I advise having Plan B. Not that you'd ever use it. But knowing it's there can offer you alternatives. And peace of mind.

Here's to the Risk Taker in You!