4 Roles in Relationships...Which One Are You?

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

Are you having difficulty finding what you're looking for in a romantic relationship? Perhaps you're in a relationship, but you're not getting your needs met. Before blaming your partner or giving up (thinking there's no one out there for you), you may want to take a good look at your role in relationships and what it is you're attracting.

1. The Masculine "Hero"

As men and women, it's normal to compete in sports, in business or in school. We're taught it's appropriate to go out and get what we want in the world. We're rewarded for producing. We're rewarded for thinking. We're compensated for performance. That's all good.

But, do you compete in your romantic relationships?

A masculine "hero" is the partner who knows what "he" wants and goes out to get it. "He" gives, protects and cherishes other's feelings. Women are "heroes" when they are nurturing and mothering. Nurturing and mothering are masculine skills (shocking, but true). Masculine "heroes" think, act, and problem-solve. They are "neck up" people. Mental. Male. Money.

Many times romantic relationships end up going competitive because there are two too many masculine "heroes" at play.

2. The Feminine "Ingénue"

"Feminine" is often confused with "passive". Feminine energy is not passive. The feminine "ingénue" is a potent, powerful energy, but operates very differently from the masculine "hero".

A feminine "ingénue" gets what she wants by knowing what she doesn't want. Ingénues receive, are available and are open to ideas and suggestions. Feminine ingénues respect heroic masculine leaders.

The feminine mantra is "yes, thank you, please" and saying "NO" to anything that is immoral, unethical or illegal.

Feminine "ingénues" are feeling oriented. If it feels good, they do it. They receive and give back in appreciation. They are "neck down" people. Feeling. Physical. In the body.

Unlike masculine "heroes' who go competitive in wanting to achieve and win, feminine "ingénues" go competitive with feelings. I call this, "who's the better girl?" syndrome. (Often it's the man.:))

3. The Narcissistic "Master"

If there is such a thing as a "healthy narcissist", it would have to be a single person. "What do I want to do? What do I feel like eating? I have to pay my bills. I don't feel like going out tonight." A single person's role is to act on their thoughts and take care of their feelings.

In a relationship, the role of a narcissistic "master" goes to the one partner who gets his (or her) thoughts respected AND his (or her) feelings cherished.

The narcissist plays both masculine "hero" and feminine "ingénue" roles in a relationship leaving very little (if any) room for the poor, unworthy, unfortunate...

4. The Doormat "Slave"

The doormat "slave" position has no voice. The doormat "slave's" only role is to serve their super egotistical narcissistic partner.

The doormat slave respects his (or her) partner's thoughts and cherishes his (or her) feelings and is seldom rewarded or acknowledged for their own needs.

When a doormat slave is noticed, it's usually to be kicked or walked upon. Often when the doormat "slave" has incorrectly "mind read" the wants or needs of their "master" partner or has done something "displeasing", disaster can occur. (Remember O.J., anyone?)