3 Styles of Relationships: Which One is Right For You?

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

A year after Lorenzo and I were married, we had a difficult time. No matter how much we loved each other, it seemed we were constantly fighting.

We couldn't agree on anything.

Not only were we challenged with the obvious...he's a man and I'm a woman...we had the added complication of Lorenzo being French/Italian and my being American. (Let's just say...I'm not fluent in French or Italian. And his English was "basic".)

I thought we were just having "communication problems". Wrong.

According to Dr. Pat Allen, we were in two completely different styles of relationships.

You might say I was in a "romantic comedy" and Lorenzo was in a "romantic tragedy". (French/Italians can be soooo dramatic!)

No wonder we weren't getting along!

We weren't even on the same stage! We were "acting" in two very different shows.
Understanding our Style of Relationship saved our marriage!

It's my bet that many couples would stay together longer if they understood they weren't in the same relationship style as each other...AND knew what to do about it!

So what Relationship Style do you prefer? And are you in the same style as your partner?

You have three choices.*

* You can change your relationship styles with days of the week (or hours in a day). The secret is to be in the SAME RELATIONSHIP at the SAME TIME as your partner.

BTW...These Styles of Relationships apply in ALL romantic relationships...Straight, Gay or Lesbian.

1. The Buddy Film

This is a relationship of equality. Both partners share 50/50 percent of the responsibility.

Both partners contribute financially. Both partners contribute to the homemaking.

Both partners want to be respected for their thinking and cherished for their feelings.

Both partners can lead. Both partners can follow. Just not at the same time.

This style of relationship works very well with dual income families, couples without children and couples who have children who have grown and gone. (It also seems to be the preferred style of the "younger generation".)

The secret to keeping romantic intimacy in a "Buddy Film" is to "cross-talk" with your partner.

When one partner wants to be respected for his or her thinking, he/she must ask how their partner feels about it.

The same is true when one partner wants to share feelings. It's best if he/she asks what their partner thinks.

If you tell your partner what you think then ask what he/she thinks...you're striking a business deal.

Sharing feelings to feelings is a friendship.

(Not saying you can't have "business deals" and "friendships" inside of a romantic relationship...there are appropriate moments for sure...just be aware!)

2. Romantic Tragedy

This is the most passionate Style of Relationship. By far the most dramatic.
And it can be a lot of fun.

Until your body gives out and your emotions are crazed.

And you could die.

Seriously. (Remember O.J., anyone?)

A Romantic Tragedy is your classic "co-dependent" relationship. It's often known as "Master/Slave".

It's a relationship style where one partner is respected for his/her thoughts AND feelings. And the other partner gets no vote.

Then the roles change.

"I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you."

You come, you go, you come, you go.

Well...You get the idea.

3. Romantic Comedy

Romantic Comedy is the most intimate Style of Relationship.

It's also the most clumsy.

You're more likely to stumble over your partner's toes.

A Romantic Comedy is like a waltz. It's a relationship with one designated leader and one designated follower.

In DUTY DATING, I used the example of one designated driver and one designated passenger.

The driver of the relationship is respected for his/her thoughts.

The passenger is cherished for her/his feelings.

The driver makes the plan. The passenger expresses how she/he feels about it.*

* The power of the passenger is the "Veto" vote. When anything doesn't feel good or is illegal, immoral or unethical, the passenger can say "NO WAY".

REMEMBER: If you have two drivers in a relationship, you'll fight over the wheel. If you have two passengers, you'll never get anywhere.

So you gotta decide.

Which Style of Relationship is Right For You?

7 Essential Habits for Loving Your Life

by Cherry Norris, "The Dating Director"

Last summer I received an e-mail from my cousin titled, "5 Essential Habits to Protect Your Most Essential Commodity...YOU." (The author wasn't mentioned, although they referenced the Girl Scouts.)

At the time, I was "releasing a toleration" in my life and this article hit home. It validated my decision to end a long-term friendship that was no longer working.

Although I've embellished the article (and added 2 habits of my own) the premise of this message is clear...YOU are your most valuable commodity. You need to invest in it and protect it.

And be in the habit of Loving Your Life.

1. Take Care of YOU First.

Always. No matter what. No excuses.

If you do something for someone else without taking care of yourself first, you'll resent it. And you'll end up punishing yourself.

Workout. Eat well. Relax. Take care of your body. Take time out. Keep away from toxic people and toxic situations. If you don't feel good, you aren't good...for anybody. Most importantly...for yourself.

REMEMBER: The Feminine mantra is: "I FEEL Good to DO good."

Masculine is the opposite: "I DO Good to FEEL Good."

2. Don't Do Everything Alone.

It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. It's usually not worth it.

And it's impossible.

Ask for help. Find support. Delegate. Or simply don't do it.

If you're overworked and overwhelmed, you're not good for anybody...most importantly...yourself. (Sound familiar?)

(Good. You're gettin' it!)

3. Learn to Say "NO".

I can NEVER say this enough! The power of the feminine comes from saying "NO" to anything that is immoral, illegal or unethical.

It is also saying "NO" to anything that doesn't FEEL good.

"No. I don't feel like working this hard."

"No. I don't feel like picking up after Your mess."

"No. I don't want to go out because I feel tired."

I don't know why saying "NO" is soooooo hard for many of us. But saying "NO" can often support the greater good of "yes".

Saying "NO" to other people's requests helps us achieve our more important goals...specifically taking care of ourselves.

Believe me. It's okay. You will still be loved when you say "NO" because you simply can't (or won't) do it all.

4. Prioritize.

Know what's important. And more importantly...what's NOT.

If it doesn't fit with your passion, values and goals, don't do it.

No matter what.

Someone else will do it (if it really needs to be done) and everything will be just fine. I promise.

5. Accept. Reject. But NEVER TOLERATE.

Accept a person or a situation for who or what it is. Or walk away from it.

NEVER tolerate a person or situation. NEVER. Toleration will hurt you. It will destroy the relationship anyway. And it can make you sick.

Tolerations are the things that you "put up" with. Incomplete decisions. Negative people. Broken agreements. Petty annoyances. Irritants.

Basically, everything that gets on your nerves is toleration.

Get rid of your tolerations. Or make a plan to accept them.

6. Go Where You're Wanted

People who need people are lucky people.

People who want people who don't want them are unworthy people.

Stay away from people and places where you don't feel wanted. Or appreciated. Or acknowledged.

Life is so much easier when you put yourself with people and in situations where you're wanted.

People who like you and want you will make you feel good. Go with them. Godspeed.

7. Talk Less. Listen More.

(This is a really hard one.) But talking is exhausting.

It's easier to listen. You don't work so hard. And you learn things.

When you listen you can see the person for who he is. You can see what he has to offer. You can see what he doesn't.

Masculine men appreciate women who listen...so listen up, girls! Show him respect by appreciating his ideas and what he gives you.

Your rewards will be enormous.

In more ways than you can imagine.

Believe me.:)